Friday, June 19, 2009

You're all I know, I can't let go

I'm having a situation where a part of my "past" is trying to come back in my life. Though I should know better, I've been battling (in my mind) what I should do. Clearly this shouldn't be an issue. The answer is plain and simple: WALK AWAY AND STAY AWAY!!! STAY FAR AWAY! For the last 4 months I've realized and 'accepted' the fact that there needs to be no more "we" or "us". Well, I say I've 'accepted' that fact, but here I am pondering where to go with the situation. So I use the word loosely. Losing or parting company with someone 'special' to you is a hard thing to do. Trust me I went through many nights trying to figure out what I could do to save things. Then the answer finally hit me, after weeks of deliberating with angel and devil on each of my shoulders. There was nothing I could do but move on and accept that "our" season had run it's course. Dang, there goes that word 'accept'...again. Looks like I need to go back to square one and study the definition. Now here I am months later, new and improved, loving life; completely moved on (or so I thought). When this person decides to acknowledge me, again. Being forgotten is something I've grown to live with. A lot of 'friends' have seemed to master the forgetting part of our friendship rather well. But my mind continues to play games, finding reasons to defend the one who in many ways used me, just took me for granted. This game is sick. My mind should (naturally) defend ME! The fact that I was a good, true, & faithful person/friend the entire time, a person who didn't deserve to be forgotten is what my mind should cry out. Instead I'm tortured with the good memories, the fun times, we private times in which I learned so much about this person that completely stole my heart. I am guilty of giving advice that I, myself, don't always practice in my own life. I won't be used anymore, by anyone. I guess I should give myself the advice I'd give anyone else in this situation: grow a pair and have some respect for yourself, please!

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