Vultures & leeches

Do you ever have a moment when something inside just kind of says "something isn't right here"?  Today was my day I guess.  Some things came to the surface for me.  I'm not sure if certain people are using me?  Or am I merely making myself available as their fool?  Perhaps I'm just naive and don't pick up on things quickly enough.  I used to be sharp in the area of protecting myself from vultures.  I've been around long enough to know that people will use and abuse you like it's nothing.  They'll do it without giving a second thought to how catastrophic can be for others involved.  It's a dog eat dog world, for most.  I don't really agree with that mentality.  Maybe that's just sad on my part, refusing to agree with reality.  The thought that someone would want to take advantage of my kindness or my friendship vexes me.  Isn't it the golden rule that treat others how you want to be treated?  I firmly believe that's the way it should be.

I've always said people treat you the way you allow them to.  Never let someone get comfortable having control over you in any form.  Often I think we give people control over us mentally without noticing it until things are out of hand.  In retrospect I could probably have rearranged some things weeks, month, or even years ago that would have me facing a different realization.  A much better situation could be taking place now.  I'm tired of leeches.

That's the problems with Sundays and any other days I have off.  When I get ten minutes to not do something constructive I start to think.  And thinking causes me to realize how some things are truly messed up.  Flat out wrong and not fair things.  No matter how long things may have been going on, I tend to come to face them only when I have free time.  I don't want to have anger, bitterness, or rage towards anyone.  But I'm rather pissed right now as I write this.  In case anyone is wondering why I always throw myself into work, well here ya go.  Being behind those doors helps me forget that there's something called reality outside of Banfield.  And reality isn't always something I want to face.