Countdown to 2010!!!

Looking forward to ending this year!  I'm happy that I've made it this far, and I pray to see the next year too.  I'm 25 years old now and determined to grow a little more, see a little more of the world, enjoy my life a little more, give a little of myself to my job--simple 'resolutions'.  This year I was very successful with something that I thought would bring about more peace in my life...STAYING AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE!  Some think I went crazy because I went on a massive downsizing socially.  Of course the people that thought I was going mad are the people I chose to rid my life of.  Haha funny how that works huh?  Seriously after the seeing  positive energy that came from getting rid of unnecessary people I am convinced that I did what was right.  I'm an independent person who doesn't thrive on the social scene (anymore).  It's overrated--plain and simple.  Give me a glass of wine and a classic movie alone any day over some pretentious, self indulging, judgmental people.  Take it from me: keeping life simple can change your life for the best!  To the few people who are always in my corner (and you know who you are :) THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!  I'll see you next year for sure :)

New years plans?  It's looking like a few drinks with my a couple special friends....ringing in 2010 with a ray of positivity.  I hope ALL OF YOU have a wonderful new year!  I'm pretty sure this will be my last blog for 2009.  Of course twitter.com/thatguyantonio will keep you updated until I blog again :)

Love

-A

P.S.

Joan- thank you VERY much for the painting!  I can't stop staring at it (sounds a little 'self-indulging' LOL) but I really do love it!  Couldn't have asked for anything better :) 

Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! ENJOY CHRISTMAS MARIAH STYLE :)

Shame on you Mary

I spent 7 1/2 hours waiting in line to see Mary J. Blige at her album signing at Best Buy (@ Union Square) Tuesday.  Her newest album Stronger With Each Tear was released the day before.  I've always like Mary for the message in her music and her growth into a positive performer.  I think I would have come out better by just allowing myself to admire from afar, because the whole process truly pisses me off every time I think about it.  Of course I don't want to keep thinking about it, but you know how it is when something really pisses you off; you find your mind wandering back to it -- it's practically impossible to stop myself.  It just keeps popping up in my head.  The weather was cold & frigid (hello in New York in December), 24 degrees is serious enough, but when combined with angry New Yorkers who were pissed because we were blocking the street outside the store, it only makes it worse.  I was #6 in line, not a bad spot.  After about 3 hours my body started trying to succumb to the elements, so I played the whole "mind over matter" bit.  Frozen hands, feet, face, & starving...then "Mary's people" came to tell us that she was on her way, but first here's a few things you must know:


1. NO PHOTOS-if you're caught with a camera or phone you will be removed from the line
2. PLEASE DON'T ASK MS. BLIGE ANY QUESTIONS
3. DON'T ASK HER TO PERSONALIZE YOUR CD, SHE WILL SIGN HER NAME ONLY
4. DON'T ASK FOR A HUG OR HAND SHAKE


If I hadn't waited so long I would have walked away at that point.  Are you kidding me?  I know Mary is a legend in the R&B/Hip-Hop world, but let's be real she's no Michael Jackson or Mariah Carey.  7 1/2 hours and I can't even get a photo, a hug, or ask the bitch a question?  Please tell me this is a joke.  Anyway whatever, I got my autographed and told Mary really quickly that I'd been waiting for over 7 hours--she made really good eye contact and said "oh thank you so much, really"...what the crap?  By the end of the whole ordeal I was pretty much over Mary & the hype.  I can't even bring myself to listen to the CD.  I've tried twice but it pisses me off to hear her voice now.  And now her smurf hair style annoys me even more...everything about Mary pisses me off! So I've decided to try to make the best of the situation.  I'm putting the autographed CD on eBay...bidders take your mark

STAND

2009 has been a year of immense growth for me.  What was started in 2008 really took off in 2009.  I've been molded into a place of self assurance.  I know who I am and what I want.  With this metamorphosis I've encountered many a battles on the personal front.  In fact, I can't say that I'm not enduring some new battles at this very moment.  I know I've been blessed beyond all measure just by the fact that I'm still here today, standing.  Of the lessons I have learned this year, there's one I'll keep with me forever; the realization that it's better to just STAND than run. Many, many, many times this year I was brought face to face with new and bigger fears. Many times when there were no answers at the moment to settle my heart and emotions, I would just stand.  Thinking: either I'm going make it through this or it's going to defeat me, but either way I'm not running back.  Move forward or don't move at all.  I think it's the whole mentality that no one and nothing is going to make me run anymore.  Forward motion is a sign of progress, things are changing, improving, and lessons are being learned.  Running back is the complete opposite.

I can't help but think of those who meant nothing more than to harm me, kill my spirit, take the love and compassion from my heart.  Sorry, you didn't succeed.  I know 2010 and beyond will have it's Christa Bragg's and family members who will plot to dig a grave for me.  That's called LIFE.  But more importantly I know that with those negative elements if I remain true to who I am I will always have the right people in my corner.  I'm not sure if I'll get to post again before the year ends but if not I want to say a very special and dear thanks to those of you who have remained true.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!  Back to New York next week...and I can't wait :)

Love,

-A 

Precious: the review...and saying good bye to my friend.

Last night I went to see the movie Precious.  I feel like everyone should see this film.  It's just as brutally raw and emotional as the book.  This is certainly not a "Hollywood" film, forget the watering down of a persons life.  That's why it has the ability to stick with you in your heart after you leave the theatre, because it brings you face to face with how it is to live in the life of Clareece Precious Jones.  I was pleased with the crowd that came out in support of this amazing work.  The audience was filled with laughter, tears, and at times a deep sympathetic silence while watching Precious bravely fight every battle presented.  It amazes me how much the human soul care deal with in one lifetime.  Mentally this movie is beyond realistic, there were many times I'd hear a line and think "I've heard that before too Precious, I've been there."  Movies that tug on our heart strings and inspire us to be a better person always win me over.  I also love how director Lee Daniels put a primary focus on Precious' way of coping with the pain--escapism, through living a fantasy life; the perfect mother & father, nice "light skinned", great friends, & fame.  All of which Precious didn't have, but she never stopped dreaming and taking herself out of her horrible reality.  I think at times it was her only saving grace.  Sometimes the dream of overcoming our circumstances is all we have to inspire us to give it 100% and press on to the next day.  This movie is a must see!

Lastly I want to say farewell to my late friend James Newberry.  My heart is heavy and filled with sadness to lose such an incredibly gentle soul, with an inspiring zest for life.  This truly saddens my heart beyond anything I can verbalize right now.

We're all Precious

Wow...all I can say is wow. This book is brutally graphic, depressing, & slightly uplifting. At times I was forced mentally to put it down and "take a break" to compose myself before reading on, yet the theme of "we're all precious" manages to breakthrough after all trials and battles of this tragedy of a life. This booked has literally changed my heart and my life. It challenged me to open my mind, soul, and every part of my existence at the acceptance of the unacceptable. I think all who embrace this piece of literature in its unapologetic rawness will be impacted for the better.

That's a brief review I wrote on facebook about this book.  I am writing about the book Push (which can also be found under the title 'Precious') because it stirred something in my spirit.  I've learned when I encounter those moments of influence and impact I need to spread the word.  I can't keep it to myself.  There's a physical pressure I feel all over my body when I'm talking or thinking of this book.  There were a few times while reading where I had to literally put the book down, go in a dark room and just sit.  How many times have I walked passed or looked over Precious?  She's everywhere, all over this world.  Here but not here because to most she's invisible.  Just another statistic.  I don't think I've ever read a piece of literature so utterly raw.  I laughed, cried, laughed a little more...then cried even more while trying to get through this book.  I think it's hard for people in general to accept that this is life for some people, possibly people we know ourselves.  I don't want you to read this book just so you can cry or feel sorry for this person.  I want you to read it in the hopes that it'll open up a part of you that's never been tapped into before.  I'm all for loving mankind and spreading love, but this showed me that I am still but a child on this road of life.  I saw parts of myself in Precious which really caught me off guard.  I never would have thought I'd have ANYTHING in common with an obese, illiterate, sexually abused teenager from Harlem.  Now I see any of us can be Precious Jones, any one of us.

back again

I've been away for awhile...again.  The journey of life is never-ending.  I've been beaten, bruised, broken, & put together again, continuously seeking the path in life that will give me purpose.  A thought that is sticking with me and refusing to let go is to focus on being a better person than I was yesterday.  I can't let my downfalls and heartaches turn my soul cold and bitter.  Forgiveness, love, & pressing on.  My mind is set, I will try harder today to open my heart and mind a little more than I did yesterday.