Better days

Life is very blah right now. Trying to keep my head above water. Every door that holds a blessing behind it seems to slam in face. I'm just extremely frustrated right now. And I know I should be off somewhere alone gathering my thoughts, but I feel the need to vent! I feel like no matter much of a good or decent person I am, it doesn't matter. I'm tired of sitting around watching those who have hurt or used me get lavished in blessing after blessing. Lord I just want a break in this storm. A break for me to regain my strength. But as Janet Jackson once sang "sometimes life just isn't fair, so why complain nobody cares".

Isabelle's new beginning :)

For those of you who have been following my Isabelle story, I have great news! After being spayed 2 week ago, she was adopted out Saturday to a really nice family. The couple adopted her for their two boys. She seems very happy to be with her new family & appear to be genuine animal lovers. She was also featured in Sundays Dothan Eagle. Thankfully she was adopted out so fast. She's such a sweet pup. Have a toast to Isabelle's happy ending :)

Time stands still it seems

Today as I was driving to work to check on a few patients, I had what I can only describe as a "moment". I know it's a very undescriptive word, but it's all I got. I was listening to MJ (Michael Jackson). There's something about his music that relieves my stress. Songs like P.Y.T., Blame It On The Boogie, Rock With You (one of my all time favorites), & the Jackson 5 classic Got To Be There. His talent was on a completely other level that will never be reached again. As I am driving-- windows down, sunroof open, with Billie Jean turned all the way up I am moved to tears. It's almost like I still can't believe that he's gone. We're at almost two months since his passing, and it's still not real. It's like one day I'm able to say OK he's gone-- I got it now, then there's days like today when it feels like a train crashing unexpectingly & abruptly; back to square #1...acceptance. Wow, what a loss.

Thank you

It's been a few days, but I'm back briefly. I must begin with saying THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone in my corner in any way, shape, or form. I've been laying low over the last week, trying to get things sorted out. The last week has been emotionally draining, so many times I really wanted to just give up. At times I've felt defeated; perhaps this battle just wasn't meant for me to win. When family turns on you, uses you, lies to you, and lies about you, what do you do? Mentally it's all be very unhealthy, and has been for many years. I learned the hard way that throwing a coat of paint over a crumbling house won't fix anything. Also I've come to see that all things in life aren't designed to be fixed. There's a point where the line must be drawn. The starting point is looking out for me. I've played the caretaker long enough. I have no problems doing it alone and parting ways with all of them. They were unhealthy for me anyway. Very sad to say that about "family", I know, but the facts can't be debated.

There's been such a heavy weight on me, which is why I've not responded to emails, phone calls, or text messages. It's one of those things where I am seeking peace in any form I can find it. Right now being alone and keeping a clear and focused mind is helping me, I believe. I will admit that I have some fears about the future, but I'm holding tight to my faith. I know that everything happens for a reason. I've been blessed with such beautiful people to help me be the best I can be in life. I do appreciate you so much, more than I can convey at this moment. As I write tonight I am playing the one song that saved my life, literally. It's titled "Blessed" (by Rachael Lampa). I find it particularly inspiring for it's simple powerful message of knowing that no matter what's going on I'm blessed. No matter what happens I'm blessed. No matter who comes against, turns on me, seeks to harm me, I am still blessed. In 2002 I was put in a situation in which it was get out or die. As I sat alone in the car ready to call it a wrap, my life was nothing and there was nothing worth living for, I heard this song come on the radio. I'd never heard it before, and I wasn't looking for any type of "inspiration", because my mind was made up..."my life is over." Call it what you want, God speaking to me, luck of the draw, or whatever. I firmly believe this song was intricately woven into my life at that moment to help me see the bigger picture; life is so precious, a fragile gift to be cared for like a rare and priceless jewel- don't ever give up no matter what is going on. Though I'm down tonight, I know that I am blessed. I'll hold my head high, and soon...soon I'll be alright. Good night friends. I leave you with some of the lyrics to this precious song.

Love,
-A

I may never climb a mountain so I can see the world from there
I may never ride the waves and taste the salty ocean air
Or build that would last a hundred years
But no matter where the road leads, one thing is always clear

I am blessed, I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning, till I lay my head to rest
I feel You near me, You sooth me when I'm weary
Lord for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed....