I Want To Know What Love Is

Return from burn out

As most of you know I've been off work for the last week. Gathering my thoughts, soul searching, and everything in between. I returned to work today, and wow what a difference a week makes! Being away from everyone and everything helped me to reemerge with a renewed since of love for my job. I've felt like I've been going through burn out with it for the last month or so. Not that anything about the job has changed, but you know what it's like when you reach a point and say to yourself "I need to take a break to be alone because I'm losing my desire." Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY JOB. For me, it's the only thing I can see myself doing. Animal medicine is embedded into the deepest crevasses of my heart! I dream it, I breath it. To be honest I think I was feeling burn out due to the combination of stress at home, difficult co-workers, & sometimes the demands of the clients just becomes too much. Honestly I was to the point where I dreaded with my whole heart seeing clients (even those with which I'm close to). It seems like the ones that I didn't get along with turned the fire up higher, and those that I cherish most seemed to only want more and more. And it's like what more can I give you without going insane? The only constant factor in the equation was the love for working with animals all day. I don't know what I would do if that love ever left my heart. I can do without all the people that come with the territory, but the animals help complete my existence. Better their lives is my purpose for being placed here.

This morning at 9:00 sharp, I warmly welcomed with two back to back emergency cases. If you don't know, emergency cases are always my favorite because it really tests your strength(s); your emotions, your knowledge, your heart. Often you have to put aside what you've read and listen to what your heart is saying is right for this particular patient. A lot of the time there's no room left for error, and waiting on the help of others isn't an option. The rush of it all is what draws me to emergency cases. The unexpected happening. Who cares if there's blood running how your pants, or if you're getting filthy? Knowing you're caring for someones family member outweighs all personal offenses. I'd rather be drenched in urine, blood, etc. than to tell an owner that their pet has died. It does happen sometimes of course, but at the very least there is some comfort (for me) if I know I did all that could possibly be done, knowing that I gave it my all. I'm just here to say I'm back to my love...let's see what tomorrow brings. Until then, cheers to having a job in this economy. HERE, HERE!

Pressing on

I'm back, kind of. I've had to take some time away to gain clarity. I am happy to report that things are getting better. I am taking everything a day at time. I felt rather beaten down a lot last month, due to a major attack of negativity. That's life, right? I continue to strive for a better me. Everyday I want to grow stronger, I want to become wiser. Each day I wake I want to try a little harder than the day before to understand the concept of love. It's what motivates me. Love. More than anything I want embrace forgiveness.

Cutting ties with certain family members has brought an indescribable sensation of peace. I continue on my quest for peace. I've found one of the best things one can do in seeking peace is to listen to your heart. Forget what others would say or think, because ultimately it's you who has to live with the decisions that are made.