Back to business

When things get tough, plant yourself; stead-fast and focused.  You can't overcome your problems in life when your focus is off track.  I can't go into detail at the moment, but those of you reading know the struggle I've been going through.  I thank EACH AND EVERYONE of you who showed me support.  Thank you for your prayers, listening to me vent, sending uplifting messages and remaining stead-fast with me.  All those nights I stayed up unable to sleep because the stress weighed on me, I am thankful for all of you.  It hasn't been easy.  Never did I doubt my faith, because no matter how intense things may have gotten, I chose to believe!  Many times my faith ran dry and I had to rely on the kind words of friends to carry through to another day.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, when we overcome one obstacle in life, there's a brief reprieve then another test presents itself.  I thank You Lord that this long, tiring, (emotionally & physically) draining storm is over!

I want to share a word of encouragement with all of you who are reading this.  As my Aunt Toni would say "I'm not tell you what I heard.  I'm telling you what I know!"  And what I know is people will try everything within human possibility to destroy you by breaking your spirit.  Don't allow anyone (husband, wife, supervisor, mom, dad, etc.) ever crush your spirit.  When words of encouragement can't be heard from a single being, plant your feet solid on the ground in which you stand, look up and start speaking words of encouragement to yourself.  Even if you don't believe a single thing coming out your mouth, keep speaking words of faith and encouragement.  I can't tell you how much strength you'll find when you continue to say positive things about yourself.  I've been there!  At one point I remember mentally being so exhausted I had to lock myself away in my room.  I turned every light off and wept from heart.  I spoke words of encouragement to myself.  I spoke those words aloud because (for me) there's something about saying it out loud.  I am a good person, no matter what people say or think about me.  I won't let anyone steal my faith, because good will overcome evil.  My life is meant for me to enjoy it, in abundance to the full until it overflows and no demon in hell can take that right from me.  I know someday this storm is going to be over!  I can make it...


Again, thank you to any of you who supported me through one of the most difficult times I've had to go through!  I want to get back to me.  I have a job to do and a life to live...so back to business :)

Blessed

Within the inner sanctum of my soul I hear a quiet voice saying "pray, pray, pray".  There's nothing more to do but pray...and wait.  Fighting away the anxiety that comes with waiting feels like a relentless battle when all you want is for things to change.  It feels like that change can't come soon enough.  Either way I'm here to say that I've planted my feet and I'm going to wait.  Wait on the Lord.  Joy will be restored in the lives of my lost friends, as long as there's breath in my body I'm going to believe that things will change.  It's been ordained, joy is on the way.  I've never believed more than I do now, but His word shall not return void, and though weeping my endure for a night joy will come in the morning (Psalm 30:5).  Only the Lord knows how precious that passage is to me.  I've seen it through so many dark times in my life.  Never once have I been let down by it.

I've had nights where I've all but drown in my own tears, crying out "Lord help me, I can't go on", thinking I was going to succumb to the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, & anger.  But every time I've been brought back to that scripture.  I know now that weeping is only temporary when I am willing to hand it over.  All of you that read this I want to encourage you to hold on because joy is on the way.  I want to close this with the song that I'm listening to right now.  The words have inspired me so much to just hold on....just wait!  I am believing the best will happen in the lives of those I love, no matter what they're going through.  We're all human and dark times try to bring us all to our demise.  I am so thankful that I didn't end it when I felt the pressure increase because now I know that my bigger purpose yet to be served in this life...

I may never climb a mountain so I can see the world from there
I may never ride the waves and taste the salty ocean air
Or build a bridge that will last a hundred years
But no matter where the road leads 
One thing is always clear


I am blessed from when I rise up in the morning
Until I lay my head to rest
I feel you near me
You soothe me when I'm weary
Lord for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed 


These are the lyrics that changed my life forever, because in that moment I remember saying to God that I'm done.  This life is not worth it anymore and this song started playing.  And at that moment it hit me!  I'm blessed, He's not done with me, and joy was sure to come in the morning!

hanging on

Better days are ahead, certainly.  I know the Lord will not continue to let these issues increase.  Have you ever dealt with something so long that you begin to physically see yourself change before your own eyes???  I know that I'm where I should be, this is my destiny.  Despite what may be going on around me, I genuinely love my job and nothing can change that.  People will be people and I have to bear with things until His will be done.  In the midst of all my struggles and doubts, I have a strong feeling emerging from my heart softly whispering to me "the fight is almost over, hang on".  I am not at liberty to speak about anything work related, but friends I ask you say a prayer for me.  I need strength to continue on.  I'm a fighter, and it takes a lot to take me out.  I have no doubt things will work out in my favor, but still strength is needed right now in order me to continue functioning.