Words matter. I can't say it enough. Words make us feel good, make us feel bad, and all that's in between. They help us carry on when we're in our time of need. Hearing a few words of inspiration from the heart mean more to me than having all the riches in the world. So many times in my life, I've had to rely on the precious words of others to help me believe I can conquer mountains that have stood before me.
Today as I was doing a little spring cleaning, I found an old letter from my Aunt Toni, dated from September 2001. Without going too deep into detail, 2001 was one of the toughest years of my life. My life at home was broken to pieces, (I felt like) I was a social outcast by all terms; I was dying inside. I spent a lot of my years as a youth feeling derelict within the four walls of my room. The word 'lonely' doesn't begin to scratch the surface of how isolated I felt. Through all of those bleak years there were two things in particular that helped me carry on, it was music and Aunt Toni. Today as I read her letter again, it took me back to those sad years.
Along with the letter she enclosed a check for my school lunch for the week. The pages were lavished with words of inspiration. As a child having her 'in my corner' gave me a feeling of security. For every negative phrase uttered about me, she vehemently challenged it with something positive. Every time I hung my head low from shame or fear she reassured me that I was "special" and had nothing to be ashamed of. As with most dysfunctional families, mine was over-run with bitterness, animosity, & pain. Everyone finds the worst thing about you, then they all join forces to bring you down. I wanted to give up and give in more times than I can count. She served as my inspiration. I can remember many nights calling her and talking for hours. No matter the words she chose, the messaged remained the same you're special and you're going to make it, don't ever let anyone hold you back. Though I probably never expressed my gratitude as a child, I am so thankful for her being there. Now at 24 years old, I think of where I would be without her support. I am sure I would have stopped and given up somewhere along the way. Even today in my those moments of fear I draw strength from the words spoken to me when I had no one who cared.
It's so important that we think of what we say to others (especially children). A few kind words can stick with them forever. Perhaps I frown upon adults who put down a child because of my childhood. But I have learned a much bigger lesson in life, it's those who lift a child up that plant a "special" seed of inspiration. I believe they make God cry tears of joy. I believe the heavens rejoice. For it takes a truly special person to make such an impact.
As an adult today I am filled with joy. I can't stop the tears from flowing as I write this. Now I can say I survived the storms of my past and I'm here because there was an angel holding my hand, guiding me to safety. I can look back and say thank You Lord for looking out for me. Angels really do exist, I know this because I had one standing with me as a child, helping me to believe in myself. Thanks Aunt Toni, no matter what any of my foes have to say I have the faith in myself to know I can make it. I will keep that letter until moment I take my last breath. Words really do matter. All it takes is one person to change a life...
They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me
And they can't try hard to make me feel
That I don't' matter at all
But I refuse to falter in what I believer
Or lose faith in my dreams
Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try, but they can't take that away from me...
1 comment:
I've been reading your blog for a while, but the first time I tried to respond, I couldn't, because at the time you had to have an openid or blogger account to comment, and I didn't have either. I'm glad to see you changed it.
I have this one memory of you in school that has always stuck with me. Ugly words were spoken about me and I heard them, and they hurt, as much as I tried to brush them off. I don't want apologies - I wouldn't even bring it up, except that I feel it's important to what I'm about to say. I just want to say that I'm glad I accepted when you friended me on myspace, and I'm happy you have opened yourself up for the world to read in your blog. Because that moment that I've remembered for so many years takes on an entirely different light now that I know a little more about your background. Maybe we'll never truly be friends, but it means a lot to me that I have been able to see the man you've become, despite your struggles. It means a lot to me, and really it's inspiring, to see how far you've come from the guy you were in high school.
I never thought of you as a bad person because of the words that were spoken - everyone says hurtful things sometimes. But, in those days, I had no idea who you were under the surface. I'm glad that now I have a better idea of who you were, and that I can read and see who you've become.
I used to be a kind of pessimistic person, and I suppose that's why that one memory of you stuck with me. Even though we really didn't cross paths that often, I do have one other memory, now that I think about it. This one is older, maybe fifth grade. Everyone was looking at a map, looking for a city with their name in it. You found San Antonio, and then as you were walking away from the map, you saw me standing behind you, and you pointed out Los Angeles, telling me that it was almost my name. That's the memory I'll take with me from now on.
Everyone deserves an Aunt Toni. I'm glad you had her.
Post a Comment