I've had this blog for a year now. I am so happy that I started it because it has served as a memoir of my growth, or lack there of (to some). Taking a moment to stop, think, and reflect on the last year of my life makes me even more thankful for the gift of life. The last 12 months have been far from the easiest, but no matter what happened I feel like I have a much better perception of life. The biggest issue over the last year of course was abandonment. Having those that I trusted and loved most turn their backs on me set me free. I didn't know this at the time, but I was being emancipated; I was being allowed to seek my own peace and inner freedom. I began to see that I was going to have to learn to survive alone in this cold world, or just give up. Once I got a true taste of walking alone I began to accept myself, for who I am. I don't think anything or anyone could have made me understand the importance of going at it alone. Looking back on it all, I spent many days and nights alone, thinking of what I did wrong? Why me? What can I do to save these friendships? The answer was simple: THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. Trying to save and revive something that is done with in your life is losing battle (take it from me.) Everything has it's season, once it's done just let it go. It only causes more damage when you try to hold on. Naturally I bore much anger towards those who betrayed and neglected me. Now I have come to a point where I have forgiven each and every person who I felt left me without just cause. I've learned forgiveness is powerful.
Making a "comeback" from the pit I was in is what makes me smile today. At a certain point I had to decide to stop with the pity party and stand up and start on the journey. I gained so much clarity in the silence that came with being one with myself. I saw that all I needed was God when it's all said and done. No friend on earth could lead and guide me back to restoration. I am blessed because I had Teckie who remained with me during that time. For those days that I wanted to crumble in defeat, I had her standing firm ensuring me that there's no problem too big for me to overcome. I heard two special quotes during that time that will forever remain with me. Teckie wrote me one day and in the email one line stood out in particular, "We take the hits and move on". Almost instantly it hit me! It was one of those moments where you stop crying and say "I GET IT! I CAN DO THIS!" Very simple but powerful, we all take hits in life, and there's only one thing to do once we're hit, take it and move on! If you let the hits derail you then you'll never make it in this life. The second quote I heard was from Joyce Meyer, "once you've done all you can, there's nothing to do but stand." That one is special to me because it brings me to today. After all that has happened in my life, I think the person I am today is a testament to faith and the will to survive. My testimony in life will always be "I'm still standing". No matter what hits and knocks I took, I'm still here, I'm still standing.
Through the winds and rains I'm still standing. There will be many battles ahead, I'm sure of this. But peace will now and forever reign as the umpire in my life. Gossip, backstabbing, hatred, bitterness, anger, and all the other sick elements that are apart of mankind today will come my way. But my stance will remain strong and the story will have the same ending every time until the day I go home...
I'm still standing
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