There's nothing better

Honestly when do you reach the point where you draw the line??? Say enough is enough??? I feel like 'this room' is beginning to shrink in size. Some of the things of the past are trying to work their way back into my life and deprive of the vital necessities that I need in order to go through life. Peace being the main one. Once you've experienced it you realize nothing compares to it. A lot of 'problems' or 'issues' that would once seem vexing in the past just don't seem to register on that scale of importance when there's peace in your life. I want to continue wading in the waters of serenity, letting the waves of tranquility wash over me. Ah, there is nothing better. When you're able to say and firmly believe that no matter who likes me I'll make it. No matter who has hurt me I'll make it. When you can stand up and say if the world hates me I'll still make it. If all of my friends forsake me I'll make it; if they do care I'll make it, if they don't care I'll make it. If I'm loved I'll make it, if I'm not loved I'll make it. I can make it through rejection. I can make it through abandonment. I can make it through humiliation. I can make it through negative judgement. If I am in the room with 'everyone' else I'll make it, if I'm in the room alone I'll make it. If you approve of me I'll make it, if you don't I'll make it, because I have that inner peace of not depending on people or things to keep me happy. That's where my life has been since the summer of 2008, and that's where I want it to remain and grow.

With that said, I only reached that level by sifting through my life with a fine tooth comb. Threading out all the toxins from unhealthy relationships. I am guilty of allowing myself to keep the connection open with someone whom I can't trust. Trust is not a word I can associate with this person. If I'm going to have friends in my life I want to be able to trust them, admire them, think highly of them. Otherwise why bother? Here I am today though, trying to stand strong and refusing to relive the past. Yet still holding on to the distant glimmer of hope that this person will someday realize how much I tried.