Just dance!

I danced until my feet were sore.  Until my legs felts like they were going to give way at any given moment.  And it felt GREAT! I danced...and I danced...and I danced.

Last night was great.  One of the best times I've had in awhile.  I went out and danced with some friends.  Dancing is such a great release.  The week was long, and sometimes stressful but I made it through.  My only weekend plans were to go home and curl up with a book.  As I was preparing to start a new book and my weekend of "rest" I got a call from two of my clients (well now their friends), asking if I wanted to go out.  That call was what I needed!  We ended up dancing the night away...that's the way I like to end a hard work week!

the message of peace lives on

As we approach the Day Of Compassion & World AIDS Day, I think of my ultimate hero Matty Stepanek.  Matty gives me hope when hope seems to be lost forever.  I find solace in knowing such magnificent minds have walked this earth and made peace their lifes message.  Through Matty's life my belief in peace on earth and goodwill to all men still lives on, despite the state of our world today.  It is easy to be influenced by the negativity we face today.  The lack of caring for one another has polluted the good nature of mankind.  And unfortunately it spreads like the plague.

Years ago, when I first heard of Matthew Joseph  Thaddeus Stepanek I was immediately taken aback.  I believe he was ten or eleven years old when I first heard of his story.  I was inspired by him choosing to see the glass as half full, always.  Matty suffered from a rare form of muscular dystrophy.   Dysautonomic Mitochondrial Myopathy.  Through his many 'close calls' with death, Matty continued to PRESS ON and spread his heart song of peace and love to the world.  A message that will never grow old.  I think of his life, his heart, and his dream of seeing the message of peace flow from human to human like a rapid ocean tide that no one can escape.  An ocean of peace that drowns everyone in its path.  Every year when the Day Of Compassion nears, Matty instantly comes to mind.  He lived for compassion.  It's something I want to embody, compassion.  I want all of us to be zealous for the simple act of compassion.  Like Matty, when my time comes to leave here, I too want to know that my life was one that inspired peace and compassion to those around me.  

In June 2004 'our guy', Matty could no longer fight his illness and went home to be with the Lord.  What a loss to the world; an advocate for peace.  Go online or to a local book store and read Matty's collection of poetry he wrote during his life.  Poetry that speaks of peace & hope.  It's inspiration is more profound than you can imagine.  The message is simple: PEACE.  One of my favorite quotes comes from Matty...think gently, speak gently, live gently.  Gives me chill bumps every time.  The simplicity of it, yet the power it contains.  

December 1st is World AIDS Day & the Day Of Compassion.  Go out and find someone to impact, or find something to take part in to show your heart --your real heart!  A heart of love and peace.  And may it live on within you day after day.

"Remember to play after every storm"

-Matty Stepanek

Every once in awhile

As I prepare for this years end, I can't help but reflect on all that has taken place this year. Funny to think, but 4 months ago was probably the bleakest my life has every been. Desolate and alone, abandoned by two people whom I loved and still love with all my heart. Unable to enter new friendships because of the side effects left from previous ones. I really thought I'd reached the end. I mean once those people you completely trust turn on you, who can you really trust from that point? But really I am so thankful that I don't have a give up spirit. Call me a lot of things, but a quitter isn't one of them. Now in retrospect, I am more than grateful to God for seeing me through every hurdle that was presented to me this year. Through it all, I learned that deep down inside there was still something...a part of me...if only a tiny fragment left of who I am. Antonio. There was a hope that still resided, deep below the surface. A glimmer of hope. I had to go on a digging expedition to find it. But there was still something inside, telling me if you just hold on, justice will be served...everything will come full circle.

From the ashes of the friendships 'lost', has risen much stronger, deeper, more passionate friendships than before. I've only remained close to a few friends since the realization that people aren't what you think they are. The remaining friendships are better than I ever would have dreamed. Along the way I've encountered and formed bonds with new intriguing people. People that are stunning. For the first time in my life I've felt that security I've longed for. Security in being me. I've always suffered from black sheep syndrome. It seems as though everywhere I go, I am an outcast...the outsider; something I've grown accustomed to, seclusion. I've always believed that love prevails over all things. Not many people have shared this view with me; in that ostracism I've found strength in being myself. At times I've come across as apathetic, and I know this. All along it was more of a guise to cope with neglect. Neglected needs. Now I'm going to focus on those needs because it feels so good to be alive and happy for once in life. True happiness. Let people say and do what they want to me, but I will never allow ice to sheath around my heart.

No matter how bad things may have gotten for me this year, I am taking some truly valuable and priceless lessons into 2009. Pressing in and pressing on, never giving up.

"I find somewhere deep inside, someone strong still resides...and I know I'm gonna be fine"
-M. Carey

Delightful weekend

This is my favorite time of year.  The weather is cool, not cold, but just right for me.  The leaves are turning to those beautiful autumn colors, and I practically smell Christmas in the air.  I have another busy work week ahead of me and it's OK.  I am looking forward to it.  I hit a few rough patches last week, some co-workers and I really bumped heads, but it's all in the past.  Saturday night after I got home from work, I went to see a movie.  Role Models.  Of course I am a huge Paul Rudd fan.  Who knew he could be so comical???  I needed all of those laughs.  The movie is complete hilarity through and through.  Though it is rate R.  Parents you'll probably do your kids a favor if you take them to see the Madagascar. 

Here I am, Monday morning starting all over again.  Here's to believing this week shall be better than the last!

YES WE CAN!

On THIS DAY I have never been more proud to be an American!  Barack Obama has become my country's 44th President.  To be honest, I'm still filled with such emotion to even blog about this historic event is almost impossible.  I cried, I shook, and trembled last night when I heard those words ..."Barack Obama has become America's 44th President."  After years, decades, and centuries of feeling a strong sense of injustice this victory is a sweet one.  One that I savor with the rest of THE WORLD.  This is not just a moment in American History, but a moment that will be known the world over.  This is world history!  Let's rewrite the books!  I gave my thoughts on Barack Obama before the voting took place, and I still hold to the things I said.  He is a man of great integrity, strength, & wisdom.  He is what this country needs to heal from years of a poorly ran administration and decades of inequality for some of our country's ground breakers.  He is a beacon of hope for millions of Americans.  Especially for African-Americans, young & old.  Last night I feel that HOPE was restored in my heart.  Anything is possible!  It can be done!  YES WE CAN!  It's a feeling that I don't expect anyone to understand.  All of my life, I've read in the history books of how blacks have been oppressed, abused, and degraded --beaten down by injustice.  Ostracized by a country that is supposed to be the land of opportunity and fairness. Now in my life time I can rejoice in the fact that we have overcome!  I have never in my 23 years of life been more proud to be an American --an African-American! 

I am deeply saddened by the things I've read on facebook and myspace.  I didn't realize I knew so many ignorant and arrogant people.  The true colors of many Americans has been revealed.  But I am thanking God for a new day!  Say what you may, but BARACK OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!  He is the man for the job.  

I am overwhelmed with joy for the hope that has been implanted in a new generation.  All things are possible...to those that BELIEVE!!!  I've never once doubted Barack Obama could and would be our nations 44th President.  His character, his heart, and his passion has inspired me from the first day he put his foot in the ring.  The least likely to take this honor has reached an unattainable goal. I've been taught by the bible that ONE DAY the last will be first!  Those who sow in tears will reap songs of joy!  President Barack Obama will forever be one my living heroes.  I thank God for this moment in history and being blessed to be alive to witness this.

CONGRATULATIONS to PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!  YES WE CAN!!!

A living hero

For me a hero is simply someone of great courage and wisdom; overcoming obstacles and beating the odds.  A person of great character, someone to be admired for their work ethic; a life based on love for one another. Compassion.  According to Webster a hero is: (a) a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities (b) one that shows great courage (c) the central figure in an event, period, or movement.  I have a few living heroes that come to mind whenever I think of the meaning behind the word hero.  Though a hero is generally thought of as a savior I know that a person can't save me, but rather influence me.  Make a lasting impact on my life; a figure who has carved a deep impression on the inside of me, engraving just a little bit of themselves into the person I am.  The person I will become. The people whom I hold in such regard are not just public figures for the world to see at but also those who most will never know.  

Last night after watching the thirty minute Barack Obama campaign ad I felt an inspiration so deep words can only try to convey the strength of the impact from the ad.  All politics aside, I saw a true leader standing on that platform.  A leader who has been years in the making; poised and confident, ready for the challenges that are ahead.  I'm not a political fanatic who is trying to sway anyone.  Despite the pending outcome of this years election, he will forever be a living hero in my life.  Barack Obama.  There are few people who possess the qualities of real leaders.  His character has always caught my attention.  Steady and consistent.  Who he is as a person is who he has always been, and that is something to admire in a leader.  He's not afraid of ruffling feathers to inspire change.  I have seen many 'leaders' who lack character.  Character is one of the foundational elements of making a leader.  Without it you're not a qualified leader, in my opinion.  A leader has wisdom.  Not necessarily wisdom that has come from experience, but rather the ability to look at a situation and have the common sense to make a decision that will yield positive results. Not decision making made without thought, or decision making reached out of haste.  Wisdom.  Most of all I admire his ability to relate to people.  I think his interaction with people shows his heart.  A true heart of compassion for others.  And that is what moves me probably more than anything, a person who has a genuine love, concern, & compassion for mankind.  Of course he's not perfect, but perfectionism isn't what makes a leader.  He makes me see that nothing is impossible.  He inspires people to unite.  A door has been creaking open steadily for many, many years; being slowly pushed by leaders of the past, now Barack has flung the door open and taken a step to the other side.  His courage to take it to another level is an inspiration to me.  I think any race can appreciate the path he has paved for the generations to come.  Come what may next week, Barack Obama is forever a hero to me.

Light bulb moment

Oprah has brought the phrase "light bulb moment" into millions of homes. Having a 'light bulb' moment basically means, something goes off in your mind that makes you think "oh ok, I get it now". People with backgrounds in psychology can easily understand this concept. Two days ago, for no particular reason I had a light bulb moment. Life for what it's worth isn't supposed to be this oppressing defeated journey in which we drudge through in hopes for peace 'on the other side'. I think many of us; too many of us at that, live our lives with the mentality of this is hell on Earth, we'll only be happy in the great by and by. Complete foolishness!!! I've thought some of those things to myself over the years, more so when I would be down about something going on in my life. I'm 23 years old, life hasn't been easy for me at all. In fact most of my life has been a battle. But so has life for a good deal of the rest of the world. We all have daily battles, it's not just resigned to fall on one pitiful little soul. I've battled with myself, family, society, friends, etc. How can I possibly make everyone happy??? Now I see that's the million dollar question we feel obligated to build our lives around from the day we're born. Easy answer: YOU CAN'T MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY WITH YOU...GIVE IT UP! The older I've gotten the more I've come to understand the realization of freedom, and the importance of it. Allow people to be who they are.

Because of my chaotic background I've always possessed a certain level of independence. I've always had a select few people whom I highly value their opinion and acceptance of me. Now over the months of 2008 I've become one with myself and the general thought process about accepting my God given freedom and it feels GREAT! This weekend I had some photos taken of me, and as I was being directed to do poses, I harbored thoughts in the back of my head about what would certain people think. Though all the photos & poses were nothing to be ashamed of, innocent photos really. I was even intimidated by some of the onlookers who stopped to observe, as the photos were being shot in public. Randomly, another light bulb moment hit me: WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT THEY THINK ANYWAY??? Do the photos, exude the confidence of a King son, we're each entitled to believe that we're capable doing whatever our heart desires. We're all different for all sorts of reasons, live with it :)