With you I'm born again

Life is strange at times. To care about someone so deeply when all I'd like to do is forget the person. I can't understand it. My heart sinks into the abyss...slowing becoming one with the depths of loneliness ignited by the bittersweet thoughts of the irony. How did the two of us ever cross paths? How did we ever form a friendship? Why did it end? Is there anything I could have done differently? The questions gnaw away at my soul ripping away chunks of flesh. Leaving me in an agonizing pain that is almost impossible to hide anymore; exposing bare the hollow walls of the emptiness I feel without you. I found a best friend in my enemy. No one could understand it. I admit the idea of "us" was unfathomable to me as well. All I know is it felt so right; effortlessly stepping in sync. I know life is full of 'seasons'; things intended to help us, to heal us, to teach us, to mold us, to enlighten us --making a foundation for our next step. I've gone through a lot of seasons. What do I do when it's something that I can't let go, no matter how I try? Trust me I've tried. I'm still trying. Is there something to be said for someone who refuses to leave your mind & heart? Maybe we weren't a season after all? All I know is that the memories survived and linger with me. I've met others and made new friends in the last few months, but none of them have been able to make me feel the same way. That unconditional love & friendship. That's so deep no one can understand it but the two of us. How great it felt to be supported and appreciated. I found it so hard to walk away from the one thing that's unyielding and sacred to me. Maybe I should have held on tighter when I felt you slipping away? The questions...oh they're endless.

I keep telling myself to just stop caring. If it's not meant to be then I pray that one day all care and concern for "us" will dissipate. Releasing me from this prison of anguish and confusion. I was warned by so many not to become involved. Perhaps they were right? I refuse to believe that they were right. They weren't there to understand the greatness I was exposed to. They couldn't possibly know you. I want to wake tomorrow morning and give up this fight. It's killing me inside.